good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
