I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
