I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I think a kid would responsible me up
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
