so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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