The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
