Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
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