Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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