Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize