Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
