It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
