There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You are the jesus of drinking
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
