So drunk its hurt
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
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