the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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