The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
