Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
