his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
birth control should be required to get into college
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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