I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
