Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Randomize
