so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
