There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Randomize
