I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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