I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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