Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
