Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
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