Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
