He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
