yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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