i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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