So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
