I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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