At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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