i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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