she was so not down for the gang bang
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
