he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
