why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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