He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
