Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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