I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
