Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
