i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
