you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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