I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
