actually, I'm a sock model
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
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