Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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