I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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