Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
God gave him joint rollers for hands
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
