My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
