Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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