I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Randomize
