Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
