Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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