Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
