I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
