Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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