We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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