i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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