dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Randomize
