i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
